Maybe it's not destined to be..

I don't know.. It's just that this day will really serve as a highlight in my life. What you see on TV is not so real. Trust me. :( Okaay, so me and my friends went to this barbecue place beside the seaside. Then suddenly, my ultimate high school crush just said that he will meet up with us. Honestly, we were like crazy over the excitement. Big smiles on my face with that nervous feeling too.  While we were eating, we were like so nervous with the incoming scenario. For us, it could be so real because it's way true with the way he text! And then he made the time set at 7.30. It was really convincing with the way he acted. We waited for like 2 hours? Then. he keeps on making excuses like "I'm still at home". "Gonna take a bath first" and bla bla bla. Uuuggh. I know it's so shallow that it can make you laugh. I never felt this way before. To think that it's your ultimate crush since high school and he was like doing his MAN ACTS that could fool every girl's heart. STUUUUPIIID! It's like what if he would tell us that he couldn't make it because of some facts. WHAT THE HELL!!! He so stupid!! We wouldn't be expecting this much! SH*T!!!! DAMN YOU!! Until 9 came then his last text was that he would be taking his shower first. Then that was really the sign that I have to MOVE ON!! My friends told me that he's not really coming! It's very obvious. Then I tried to processed it. It was really not worth it. It's indeed true that we're not meant to be. :( Maybe having a love life is not part of my life. :( Okay, so maybe I was seeking but I was like trying to know if life would give me like that. Hmmf! Unfortunately, yeah I'm a loser. A sucker of love! Well, I don't know what I'm gonna think now. I'm just gonna go with the flow and that's it! Here's my last word.. Goodbye and go to hell!!

Longing for love?

Part of me says Yes..and part of me says Naaah it can wait. But the question is, how often that long? I know life can be so surprising in its unpredictable date but sometimes there's something within that inner portion of ourselves that we can't help but crave for experience. Love is the most powerful thing in the world right now. We all see different styles of how love is being shown. Some people are secretly lovers while some are just too showy wanting to own the spotlight. We call that one PDA perhaps. Let's go back to the bottom line, love..love..love..why on earth such weird but somehow enthusiastic feeling exists? It's not the tender caring love we show to our family and buddies but the kind of love that is tangled by two opposite gender that is being electrified by a sudden thing called Spark. (Charot!) I know all the single ladies out there are just so desperate enough to at least make their world be inspired by hearts all over. They're too tired of staying at home waiting for nothing but making unnecessary stuff. They can't help but just imagine the thought of how actually visible love looks like in comparison to novels and movies. Some lose hope while others are too hyper-optimistic. We can't decide when, where and how our own love story should suppose to happen. We don't need to expect too much about our destiny 'cause I know we'll end up losing. One of my philosophies is just Go with the flow 'cause you'll never know in just a blink of an eye, you're actually at your target stop. :) So, let love chase you and don't be in a rush 'cause things can be so topsy-turvy. Yeah, Right.

I lurve Mandy Moore :)

Mandy Moore has been my favorite artist way back when I was like Kinder I guess? Haha. I've been growing listening to her stunning songs that soothes my day.I don't know.. at first impression I was like "she was so beautiful, talented and cool!". She was so young then that as you can see her gestures and postures, you can definitely say that this girl is an active teen singer.  Because I always watch MTV before, I never got bored of her music videos as it topped on the charts. The first music video that I recognized her is "Candy". As you look into it, you can see that she possessed a very young-looking and teen style.  I always look after her as her career was successful enough by her music journey. I also owned a CD of her compiling her great songs from the very start up to now. Wasn't that close to obsession? Hahah. Anyways, my fave movie role of her is when she portrays Jamie Sullivan from A Walk to Remember, one of my fave movies. She's a great actress and she can portray any character like the "bully girl" from Princess Diaries. :) Even if I don't really get to her these days, I still admire her successions way back in the movies and especially her music as the root towards her fame. She inspires me to become the better person in achieving one's goals and CONFIDENCE as the perfect tool in any aspect you want. :))

                    I can relate so much of this song of hers when it comes to Crush. *Giggles*

As Usual as it can be

Life, oh life. Another back-to-normal days this summer. Obviously, my old routine is now back giving me the usual doings that strengthens my day. I'm sitting alone here doing nothing but finding things that could entertain myself. People around me just instantly dashed away back to their business too :(  It's so short and hangin' to me. Furthermore, the memories were worth remembering 'cause I had soo much fun. Nothing can beat the extreme and intensifying feeling that I had w/ those guys. :) They somehow brightens my summer sunshine until I tend to get tan and a bit dry. Hahahah. I'm gonna miss the "laag" and non-stop bond/laughter we had. :(Another tah-tah for now. Hahaittss. As of  now, I'm gonna set myself for strolling, watching movies, eating and of course my  favorite.. sleeping! Hahahah.
P.S. I'm sill thinking about attending classes this summer. Depends on my crave desperation *Laughs*

Here's one of my fave singers. Vanessa Carlton on her first debut single way back.  ;)

Why do GOODBYES exist? :(

Do you know how it feels like being left out? I mean why do things like these come to reality? It feels like my mood is nowhere to be set and my mind is powerless. I don't know why on earth goodbyes exist. It's a different and strange feeling at the same time when you feel like being left behind. It's just so hurtful when you can see your loved one waving his/her hand and in just a blink of an eye, he/she's already distance away from you. Why do life can be so hard and depressing at times? I kept on pondering why time can be so pressured and annoying. Is it because there is a magnificent incoming event? or tragedy? (hope not) Goodbye is meant to be "so long for now", not forever. Most people understand it the other way around. They lose hope to see and meet that person again. For me, I know it's not the final end  of friendship and all that. It's like a challenge to measure how you really create the bond that you have with that person. God will really find ways to keep the paths of each one crossed again and it's not us to decide when will that happen. Maybe, Goodbyes exist when a person needs to follow his/her destined heart towards the destination that is meant to him/her. It can be that the person wants to open his/her surrounding to a brand new phase that can make him/her a better person. :') Sure, Goodbyes can be so depressing and it's like part of the ceiling is gonna fall right at you. You know what I mean? We just can't control its stupid existence.  I just hate the word, that's all!

How music gives a big impact to me

Music..well, it's essential and meaningful to me. It  repudiates the afflictions and miseries that surrounds me. I don't know what's within that somehow heal my inner being. Even if it's not a material kind of thing, it plays a very tremendous role that creates a melodious part in ourselves. I wanna hug it...If only! My emotions really is changeable like the fact if I stumble down, my only rush aid is to listen to my fave songs and relate well in the lyrics. When I feel so gleeful, still I play many jump-for-joy songs. The bizarre thing is that when I have mix confused or uneasy feelings or not-my-day mood, Music is the first thing  that I want to rely and depend on. I mean, what really is it that gives so much impact to me. Ever since then I was a  kid, I am officially a music lover that never stops listening to the latest hits. Music runs to my veins..really. The only bitter thing is that I don't possess a golden voice that teams up to my music craze. Goossh! How sad to be one. (I wanna work this out).  Mostly, the songs I often listen to are the old mellow ones (Not so long ago) because songs today are often hip-hop,rnb and the like. I just wanna say that no thing can beat the so-called MUSIC! :) i Love U Music! *Giggles*

Gonna prove them wrong.

Okaaayy. Well, I hate to say this but my emotion now seems like to drown. :( I don't know why I feel such a feeling that eventually crept into my mind. *sighs* I realized today that even if I'm not part of the honor roll thingy (which I was way back in grade school), at least I have a goal that I always carry in hand. It's a kind of goal that I want to prove and show to everyone that I'm not dumb and somehow retarded, if that's the word. I can really sense that I don't possess that X-factor when it comes to academic standing even to extra-curricular activities. Sometimes, I can own that hopeless feeling when almost all things seemed to fall down to pieces. One of my distractions is that I'm worried enough on how to balance things in my studies perhaps and my leisure 'cause I want to open life into a normal yet memorable one. Honestly, I felt uneasy knowing the fact that I'm not part of that something but there's nothing I can do. Life can be so weird. Life teases me at times, too :( The one thing that I always bear in mind is that..sure, what's the use of that honor when in reality you don't really pass the real challenges. Truly, I believe that when you're not part of it in high school, in college you can really bring out the best in you because it's a stage where you're motivated enough to pursue things because you're entering the real world and the other way around. :) That's me. When I feel sadness, I always find ways that can make me see the possible outcomes in the near future. Well..I'm not gonna expect so much that I'll be successful of my goal but I'll try my best in doing so. So, I'm gonna mark my word as.."You'll be Sorry!" in this post. I hope and pray that God will always be at my side and will help to reach out my desires in life. :') *Tears*.

This is an inspiring song when your world seemed to crash :')